A new start abroad sounds like an adventure. But for many expat women this step means giving up their own career, their familiar surroundings and their accustomed independence.
Instead, caring for children and the household fills everyday life. From the outside this often looks like a privilege one ought to be grateful for. But gratitude does not rule out overwhelm, loneliness and doubt.
When the partner builds professional contacts while one's own identity is increasingly confined to the role of mother, questions can surface. What would my life be like without children? Do I miss the woman I used to be? Such thoughts are hard to say out loud, precisely because everything looks fine from the outside. And yet many women carry them, quietly and often with a guilty conscience.
The phenomenon of regretting motherhood does not mean that love for the child is missing. It can also be tied to missing freedom, professional self-efficacy and spontaneity. Such thoughts do not make anyone a bad mother. They can be a reaction to the way one's own life has changed.
No one has to stay alone with these thoughts. It can help to talk about them, with family and friends, for example, or in psychotherapy. A safe space in which even the contradictory is allowed to be, without judgement.
One may love one's own children and at the same time long for the life that once was. Both belong together, and both are allowed to be there.